So here it is; our final communication to this world. I can picture you now, hiding your little smirk. You want to see the loonies. You want a little chuckle at what we hold dear. You want us to affirm your cosy little normal life. Don’t worry; this isn’t me invading your psyche. I don’t claim to be psychic, or have any magical powers. As I will explain I am not crazy. I guessed this because of what predictable little beings we have all allowed ourselves become. They know this and that is why They contacted me to bring Their message to you. You might be gazing over these words to lighten that grey little rut which you inhabit but let me warn you; there is no punch line.
Are you still here then? Has your taste been whetted for the last epistle of your mad man? Well, make yourself comfortable whilst I think of where to begin.
Of course, where else should one begin but the beginning? Whoa, don’t put it down just yet. I won’t be boring you with a biography from conception to me sitting bashing away at this keyboard. No, I’ll begin at the point my life really started.
It had been a day like every single other since I had started to consider myself an adult. My working day was spent avoiding as much work as I could get away with, my travel home spent wondering what the point of that day had been, and my evening spent sat in front of the television blotting out all the thinking I had done in time for bed so I was ready to repeat the process all over again.
You feel it too as you’re reading this don’t you? Sure, you thought this would take your mind off it but it will still be there when you finish this. One of the big jokes of existence is that you feel nothingness more sharply than anything else, it is blunt haze that somehow cuts through everything. But what can you do? You think too much for God, the hangovers are too bad for you to give your life to the bottle, and you are not enough of a coward to jab a needle into your arm. You wander about offices and shops until at lest death ends this numbness, but even that final relief scares you too much to hurry it on. So, as you, I stumbled about until They came.
They came at night. I sat in my little living room with my head in my hands when suddenly I felt something. I began to shake, the colours in the room seemed to brighten and a low hum filled my ears. All around I could sense, could feel there presence, could almost touch them as they hovered about me. It was whispers at first, but again and again Their messages would come until they built into a yelling crescendo which sent me to my knees, clutching my ears as I vainly tried to blot out the words projected into my mind.
They are our brothers and sisters. They live on a planet so far away that human mathematics would find impossible to comprehend the numbers required to describe the distance. They want us to be as them. I thought I would get that in early; these are not the aliens of Hollywood. We laughed sometimes at the films, they loved to go through my collection of films and watch hulking robots smash through cities or the fiendish plots of green skinned monsters. I’m sorry if I have put science fiction authors and film producers out of business with these words.
I soon began to converse with them as I would with someone like you. The other humans couldn’t sense them like I could, couldn’t hear their teaching. I suppose to them I was conversing with the air. I was soon signed off work.
My new spare days were welcomed. I would wander and find the lonely souls and tell them that they weren’t alone, that they were right about this world, that there did needed to be more. Most of us humans are still limited by this world, but some listened. Soon this little band grew and we set out to wake the others on this planet of ours, we were laying the ground so a hand of friendship could be ushered in from unimaginable celestial distance.
As our numbers grew we set up colonies for the friends of the beings who were coming. It was a simple self-sustaining life that did as little harm to the earth as we could. The days spent tending our plots of crops, the evenings painting, writing and composing the new art for the great age that we are about to usher in. Shut off in our private states we seldom bothered the outside world, only our occasional missions to find the others who belief would alert to our planet to our existence.
It was when we put ourselves on the internet that things really began. Millions of people stare at their screens of an evening looking for something. It is a network throwing countries worth of loneliness down cables, digitalising it and saving it to hard disk. Soon hundreds of thousands of people were finding their answers in us. I was being called on to speak on every continent of the planet. Our colonies began to dot the globe, creating a network of busy souls beckoning their brothers and sisters from beyond the far flung images from any telescope.
Such happy times could not last forever, although at the time I managed to fool myself that it would. The communications began to change.
They were very interested in the internet. Through me They began to research our peoples. Pornography fascinated them. For days at end They would sit me down on my computer, lock the doors to the other believers and have me search through every possible human taste committed to film. From the wobbly of the silicon bloated busts of bored looking Californian woman to the emaciated Russian drug addicts who grimaced at every shove of an Alsatian, They sagely processed each and every act. They noted the hidden human taste for pixelated images of fresh and were amused. Each page that they viewed demanded cash from humans hungry for a visual bite tailored for their appetites.
This made Them think. For a great many men, and more women than who would honestly admit, watching one, two, or even a room full of people, engaging in some sort of sexual situation was the sole reason they owned a computer. How could we reach those humans? The answer was simple.
Some of our strongest believers rose to this task. Websites were created with our messages subtly hidden. So as a person watched Debby from Colony 2 setting down the road to anal prolapse with Dominic and Michael from Colony 5 they would get glimpses of our teachings which would drip-drip into his consciousness with each repeat viewing. One day, red faced and panting, they would find their way to us. Also the Dollars, Euros, Pounds and Yen would fund our colonies as they prepared for the date They arrived. It would also pay for the medical bills of the brave pioneers such as Debby who literally stretched their bodies to the limits for us all.
It was at this time we started to get interest from the outside world that was unwelcome. Emails would disappear having never found their recipient, some of our websites would close down for days with no explanation, and offices in our colonies would be rearranged whilst the believers slept. Our brethren across the galaxy were concern so, through me, They began to research.
First it was the normal news channels. Death served up in both pictures and words. They were aghast. You must understand, those beings aren’t tie dyed new age hippies, and neither are us who follow them. They are in many ways like us, but, more importantly, in most ways They are past us. They failed to grasp the ease and enjoyment in which we humans stub out the lights of those next to us. It was this moment that They decided to elevate the believers from the rest of the apes of our species. We too had surpassed the homo sapiens blowing themselves up In busy market places, or marching into bullets on dusty battle fields. No, They would not now come to us; we would go to Them.
Now that is making you smile, isn’t it? You are picturing the crazy alien lovers building a big rocket in farm shed ready to be shot up into the cosmos. It isn’t like that. Like I’ve said, our brothers and sisters live a distance that would take a near eternity to reach no matter how powerful the rocket. They come to me by willing themselves through time and space so we too had to learn how to transcend. Of course, there would be a helping hand. We are not as powerful as them, yet.
Orbiting this planet is the mother ship. It waiting to collect our minds and, powered by Them, it will cross the limits of our dimension and unite us with those great intellects. It has all been planned, as I keep explaining, we are not crazy.
Moving on, time is getting short, it was when we began to communicate this information on our websites that the police and governments of many nations began to take an overt interest in our colonies. We began to shut ourselves off from the apes outside our walls. We needed to find out who was guiding these hands against us.
They researched longer than ever before, using me as their eyes. We scrapped round the underground news resources of the myriad of groups investigating the unseen world behind that which operates above and behind what we take as society. They found another power working here. This is powered by an ancient race of being which seeks to dominate all. We were a threat to their plans. The angry voices made me read on for days without sleep.
Our foes are lizard like beings which eat children during bizarre occult rituals. They have controlled everything for thousands of years, hidden behind the masks of humans. All this information is out there if you look. You can see their work behind every page turn in history. Our friends across the dimension now knew what was happening; they saw that the lizards saw their slaves were planning to escape their prison planet and they were going to take revenge. The fires of their rage would be so bright that all the other little beings would take flight for fear of being burnt.
They didn’t know we were onto them. We were going to resist.
The plans handed to me from across the astral plane were brilliant in their simplicity, truly the work of greater minds. We would create our own army. My most trusted brother believers and I were instructed to spread our seed to all our sisters of child bearing age. There could be no exceptions as we never knew when the lizards would strike. The laws of the apes would have to be ignored as we struggled to fill the wombs of our sisters young and old with the free generation.
We also began to arm. Our colonies built high walls, buildings reinforced, bunkers built. We lived in castles like those of old, lords of our own freedom. Due to our chosen isolation we could all practice with firearms, each of preparing for the day that the reptilian masters sent their ape slaves to try to crush us. We would fight and we would transcend. Nothing is going to stop us now.
You’re reading this because that day has come. You’re watching them invade our colonies live on television. I can hear the gunshots now as they are sending our believers to the mother ship. All we wanted was a simple life in our farms, away from you apes, and await for the day we would be united with all our brethren, but your chameleon masters have forced our hand.
I shall be going soon the mother ship I’m not ashamed to tell you that I am crying tears of joy as I write this.
A simple farming life means that a community often has a large source of fertiliser. This is can be simply converted to explosive. Detonators can be constructed simply, like the one rigged to go off when the apes storm through my door.
I’m sending us all to the mother ship. I guess there is a punch line after all.
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